cherry blossom ... so nice

Took some pic this evening. It was too dark, but well, I can finally enjoy the quiet moment and do something I like. hehe they are not really that nice, but.. I tried... heheheh

no more energy ...leakin

sigh...
I don't have any more energy for the wedding planning anymore... seems i am leaking. I am so tired now. ...what would the balloon looks like if it continue to leak? I really feel like I am that balloon, well pumped at the first 3 quarters of the wedding planning; but when time get closer, and when there are still lots to carry out and with limited help, and at the same time I have to take care of people's feeling... I just don't have the "air" to carry on anymore... why do people always take advantage of us? were we too kind to be taken advantage of? or we were just not smart enough in relationships: on one hand we want to try our best for other's requests, but when we cannot satisfy their requests we were not appreciated? we are not as pure as a dove but smart like a snake? why do we have to care about others feeling when people are just taking advantage of us? the more i think about this, the more I leak out "air"... sigh...

Is time to put this feeling behind... and get on with my life... but how should I resolve the relationship? God, grant me the patience, the love, and perseverances



or a beer... cheers.. haha

time flies ... 2 more months ...

Kids...
I can still remember how innocent I were back in those days: life was easy. I can yell and cry for food and attention; I can ask for whatever I want and usually I can get it; I don't have a concept of wasting time and can day dream whatever and whenever I like; I don't have any responsbility except fufilling my desire... I AM the center... but why do people grow up with more burden and responsibility, and become less centered? Is it me who doesn't want to grow up, or this is something we have to go through and when we complain about this we are "immature"... huumm...

As the big day is approaching, my fear of having my family started to mount. There are more responsibilities: Carol, her family, her relatives, our children (if we have decided to have some; sigh.. scary.. I really can't imagine I may become father one day; and starting our family is one big step closer...)job and career, etc etc... For now, I can see some adjustment for both Carol and I in terms of personal space. Sometimes we want to be left alone, but when I know Carol wants to be left alone, I feel left out and question why she did that to me (and vice versa). I will ask "ain't I suppose to be what she longs for? won't you feel satisfied when u see me and all burden are taken off? why do you still need personal time?"... that's a silly quesiton. I think we won't be able to satisfied by people. Only GOD can satisfied us. He changes our way of looking at things, facing turmoils, or even changing things around. Man cannot do these miracles. Men are weak and not trustworthy... as if we were still a kid and look upon our father who can do things we cannot ... we will say "wa wa wa.. my dad is awesome"...

I think there is still a "kid" inside everyone's heart who longs for protection and a figure to look up to...
Lee On said" there is a 斷背山 in everyone's heart"; I think it should be: "there is a "kid" deep inside everyone's heart"... huummm... God, I hope I can look up upon you and learn your values and wisdom to handle things... pray that you are the statue of our family. Amen...